I was a child or rape. In frustration of what happened to my mother, she did things to me that should never be done to a child. I was beaten, my hair pulled out, locked in a closet for days at a time with no food or water, and burned with cigarettes, because I looked like him. After three years of abuse, family stepped in and took me from my mother. A distant aunt and her husband adopted me and what should have been a new beginning, was a cruel reminder of how life began.
When all a child has ever known is the words that crushed their confidence and tears of physical pain, emotions are calloused and the beginnings of hate darken the possibilities of what life could be. Children are trusting by nature, looking for acceptance and comfort, and are too naïve to understand how life has calloused those who should value and protect a child’s innocence. And when that trust is violated, normalcy becomes an unachievable dream.
I was raped by a pedophile at the age of eight. He was a member of this family and was known by me. There were homosexual men living together and my adoptive parents never shielded me from this environment. Wanting acceptance, I was drawn to their attention. At this age, no child has any knowledge of homosexual behavior or the dangers of being left alone with men of such deviant conduct. And on a Christmas Eve, my innocence was taken from me.
What hurt the most was that my parents never took the time to notice the change in me, and I withdrew into a world of seclusion. They, soon after, divorced, and I remember being told that I was the reason for their trouble. Child custody was shared, and I would never be at one location more than a few days.
By the age of ten, I was getting high or drunk almost every day to hide from the shame. Trouble became the norm, and at the age of fourteen I nearly died as the result of a drug overdose. After my release from the hospital, the state took custody of me and I was sentenced to juvenile life in prison.
For the seven years of my incarceration, I was harassed, beaten and stabbed multiple times defending myself from the many attempted rapes. It was in this environment that I learned how to hate. I became the monster my environment created.
After my release from prison, I had no support and nowhere to go. I soon became homeless and I ate out of dumpsters or stole from people to survive. It was in this environment that I saw how cruel life can really be. Both men and women, and even children, abused by life and forgotten. People walk by and never even take the time to look at you, not wanting to have to deal with another person’s issues. This proved to me just how cruel people really are.
I attempted suicide by driving a vehicle off of a mountain cliff, that landed in a tree, and I walked away unhurt. Angry that even death evaded me. I often wondered why all of these bad things happened to me, but the answers were never revealed. I lived at the bottom of a liquor bottle and did drugs to not have to deal with the person I had become. For the twenty years after my release from prison, I saw life as few will experience, and did what has buried many or imprisoned the rest to a mental institution or solitary confinement.
Nothing I did could satisfy the desire I had to get out of the mess I had made of my life. Little did I know that God was setting up what has become the deliverance from me.
You have no control over the events of your life, and you are incapable of doing anything other than what life has made you believe that you deserve. This is what brings glory to God in His work of salvation, by the witness of your life’s transformation.
We are all guilty of crimes committed against God, who is holy and sovereign, and who reigns as supreme judge over all of humanity. Nothing you or I could ever do, will give us the right to stand before God one day and expect to be excused of the wickedness we have done. Only by the grace of God, in His love for humanity, has God provided a means to escape the inevitable punishment of our sins. And only by revelation can a person believe that Jesus Christ is the atoning sacrifice, and by faith in Him, is their sin forgiven.
This knowledge then begins Gods redemptive process of salvation in a person’s life. All of what life has made you to believe, God has to, by the transforming work of His indwelling Spirit, and the mind of the believer being renewed by the good news of the Gospel, create a brand new person. This is not something you or I, could ever do in our own ability. This also proves the inability of secular humanisms belief that man is self-sufficient. The greatest fool is the fool who thinks he is not…
My life’s transformation was a gradual process. Yours will be no different. For the rest of my life, I will learn about God and become more like Him through the study of Scripture, and the application of His truth in every aspect of my life. Christians are not perfect, neither are they sinless. But unlike those who are not the elect of God, we who are born-again by Gods Holy Spirit, are His children and subject to Gods intimate attention. His correction is proof of Gods calling, and if called, God will accomplish His purpose in that person’s life.
This knowledge of being Gods chosen and elect, gives us the confidence to boldly proclaim the Gospel of Jesus Christ in any circumstance life may present us. The unsaved call this an intolerance of other people’s beliefs, and being narrow minded, because they have no defense when they are exposed to the Gospels exclusivity by a person who is confident in their salvation. This again proves that the religions of secular humanism are a false belief.
I wrote this to help you believe in what is so easily realized by the evidence of my life’s transformation. If you are reading this blog or my book, God is calling you to Himself for the purpose He has ordained for you to accomplish.
Recently, my wife and I became legal guardians of two young girls who were abandoned by their mother. I never wanted children but God has a bigger purpose than me. Their situation has touched me in a way I never thought I could feel. I’m drawn to their helplessness, and the protector in me wants to provide for the innocence they have lost.
If I can give to these girls what was never given to me, then my healing will be realized by me giving to these girls what my parents never gave to me. I don’t understand why God brought this upon my wife and me, but the destination will have taught us much. What you do with your life’s experience reveals true character, and this is what defines who you really are. There’s a greater purpose in life than you…